blaib

I got into photography in high school and found out quickly that I hated being in the darkroom. People were doing creative things in there while I struggled to time out the chemical baths correctly. I knew I liked to shoot, and I made peace with the idea that the Osco photo lab would be my friend.

Senior year rolled around and it was time to submit art, photos, and creative writing pieces to the student published Lit Mag. (more…)

Oh, you’re damn right they did. And shutup, I only watched Grey’s because the wife had it on.

It could be summed up in what your momma would’ve said if she liked to drop the f-bomb at home: Wash your fuckin’ hands you disgusting little wanker.

I know, my mom sugar coated it too, but apparently some didn’t even do that. Guys I work with, some from Ivy League schools and prestigious MBA programs, don’t know basic hygiene skills. Let me illustrate. (more…)

Even if it’s personal, don’t take it that way. Don’t let it eat at you, because once you do, you’ve opened Pandora’s Box of negative emotions, and that’s a bitch to close unscathed. As Herm Albright (don’t know, just giving proper attribution) says,

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”

Amen to that brother.

13. First day of college, I danced with a couple of hot coeds under the “El” tracks at the Lincoln Park campus of DePaul University.
12. First day of high school, a couple hot coeds invited me to homecoming. I found out it was a joke when they and their boyfriends ridiculed me in the halls.

11. Lounging in a lawn chair on a warm summer evening, watching my kids play, sipping cold beer, and holding my wife’s hand.
10. A sunburn over my whole back. First car washing of the year, no sunscreen. I rubbed lotion on that retained the heat and turned my third degree burn into a second degree burn. No health insurance. I knelt over an ottoman and screamed all night as the blisters broke open and made it feel like someone was slicing my skin with razors. I’ve never experienced physical pain like that.

9. Riding my motorcycle when the sun was shining, the temp hovered near 80 degrees, and there was almost no traffic on the country roads I was exploring.
8. Losing control on inline skates somewhere in Milwaukee as I headed towards a set of cement steps that descended a couple hundred feet towards a highway. I ditched into the grass at the last minute and went down hard. I was foolishly carrying a nice SLR which busted as it rammed into the ground and my ribcage. No broken bones, just a massive bruise and the wind knocked out of me. I don’t inline skate anymore.

7. Sipping sparkling Italian wine with my wife on our anniversary.
6. Retching up a lot of Smithwick and Guinness and rum and vodka and whatever else was in my stomach a couple St Patty’s Days ago. Kept going until I stripped the lining of my throat and then I could taste the blood as well. Good times. Not.

5. My current job. Decent pay, good hours, interesting geek work with a bright future.
4. First full-time gig was as a laborer in a cold storage warehouse. Crappy pay, back-breaking work, raw meat that was handled poorly (I almost became a vegetarian), and right across from Cabrini Green projects before they got tore down. I had to go clean the sidewalk one day and step over the bums and watch the crack heads and coke dealers watch the only white guy stupid enough to walk around their neighborhood.

3. Seeing 3 of my kids being born, cutting the cord, holding them, feeding them, changing their diapers, cutting their hair, coaching their teams, being their dad. Nothing is as important to me in life than this.
2. Watching 1 of my children’s remains float in toilet water after my wife miscarried. Flushing that changed my life forever, I’m not sure I can really describe how deeply and completely that has affected me. I have healed since the sunburn mentioned above and can probably take a lot more physical pain than some, but this one event broke part of me. It’s an emotional scar I will have always.

1. #1 is a two-fer, little pain, lots of pleasure: bedroom roleplaying. Nuff said.

not tall enough
not thin enough
not smart enough
not suave enough
not rich enough
not young enough
not long enough
not wide enough
not old enough
not handsome enough
not fun enough
not strong enough
not hot enough
not spiritual enough
not man enough

Maybe if I was, you would want me. Not tolerate, not like, not love–want.

Pubic hair stuck to the body soap dispenser I was using, and the hair wasn’t mine.

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